Spiritual death includes the sense of expanding into a ‘bigger selves’ and how dying and rebirth are a part of every transformational process. where we face the unknown and how important it is that we integrate death into life. We can’t escape death in the same vein that we can’t escape facing the unknown. so we can expand and evolve into .
Most of us, at some point in our sexual relationship, bump into some difficulty or challenge, a conflict or a sense of feeling stuck or stagnant. The way we look at challenges or difficulties that arise in our sexual intimate relationships will determine how we approach them. If we interpret such disturbances as meaning, ‘we’re no longer attracted to each other’ or ‘sex should come naturally and if it doesn’t, that means we’re not normal’ or ‘we just have different levels of desire’, then this leads us down a certain path. We’ll take the actions that fit in with our particular belief system. And even though there may be elements of truth to these viewpoints, this way of looking at sexual difficulties doesn’t open us up to new possibilities and it also doesn’t challenge us to look at ourselves and our relationships more closely.
Implicit in most sexual problems or difficulties there’s a potential for growth and development. The edges we encounter in the relationship will show up in our sexuality and intimacy and vice versa. Because our sexuality can be a window into personal as well as relational dynamics, getting stuck or encountering difficulties in the realm of sexual intimacy isn’t “wrong”. The very challenges that arise around sexuality and intimacy contain the seeds for our personal, relational, spiritual and erotic growth.
This process of growth may be about challenging our assumptions, or it can be about changing the way we relate with each other, how we listen and have conversations. It may be about taking risks such as expressing hidden fantasies and desires or having the permission to connect with your body and explore what it is you want. It could be about setting boundaries or about letting your partner see you in your nakedness and your imperfections. The list could go on and on but wherever you are challenged in the context of sexual intimacy, if you engage it from a place of welcoming and exploration, it usually involves a kind of death of one identity and a rebirth into a new, more expansive identity.
For example, in the process of aging there’s a death of the image of one’s younger self and everything that went with that, the youthful powers it brought but also the insecurities and difficulties. Engaging with this transition, including the losses it brings, can lead to a profound process of beginning to value yourself from the inside out and developing a new kind of confidence that isn’t just based on your body image or the validation of others. This in turn can lead to a renewed connection to the flow of life and discovering stronger and more authentic levels of closeness and erotic freedom and intimacy.
